Home Page Discussion Board Articles Calendar Of Events
Book Reviews Favorite Links Guestbook Site Map

In this lifetime, Jan Faust has been a nurse and a social worker. She is now involved in creating websites for people (www.queenangel.com) and exploring her passions, one of which is writing. To learn more about Jan, visit www.searover.com/jan

Tears for the Sea

by Jan Faust

"The sea breathes life into me, it is from whence I came." is my hallmark .
This morning when I awoke, there were drops of salt water on my eyes. I was dreaming of the ocean. I long for the sea with its tidal rhythms and the unmeasured reverberation of the waves on the shore. It's hard to believe that only five days ago I was surrounded by the sea and have returned to this place I speak of as home.

I was by the ocean with friends. From a small craft we hired to take us out to the reefs we plunged into the sea, to be engulfed. "Serene" describes what it is like for me to be immersed in the liquid that breathes life into me, and yet I can not sojourn there without support.

I am emotionally affected by the sounds, smells and sights of the sea. It is more than peaceful. I feel like I belong in and under the ocean. It is like being in the womb of my mother again, hearing nothing but bubbles in the place of the maternal heartbeat. Although I spent time amid the exquisite minutiae that inhabit the ocean I felt blue after this particular dive, I did not linger by the sea to just relish its existence. I was called back to this place I speak of as home, not able to enjoy the ebb and flow of the tide or the caress of my toes by the grains of sand.

Living in this landlocked state is painful, maybe that's why it is always so difficult on my return. And then, I'm afraid I will never be able to get back to the place I love, the sea. I wonder.....which is really home?

© Jan Faust

When Next I Dive

by Jan Faust

I have been apart, because of duty, from my ocean home for untold months. I last experienced the ocean when diving in the Bahamas. I plan to next dive in the Gulf of Mexico …I have been told of the beauty there. Tonight especially I miss my home the ocean.

I sit, apart, at my computer, longing to smell the sea in my nostrils, to hear the screech of the gull and the sound of the surf's pulse as it washes the sandy shore...I think back to the season when I was a child playing on the beach at Padre Island. Childhood is a special time when we are protected from the harsh realities of life… wild sea oats surrounded me, the sand was hot under my bare feet and there was a small tidal pool left by the receding tide, in it was hermit crab struggling to return to his watery home. Under the watchful eyes of my mother who, was not far away, I waded in the tidal puddle, squatting down to look at the hermit crab. The cool water was a pleasant contrast to the heat of the sand which had blistered the soles of my feet. On these trips to the beach I would walk the shore line looking for shells and drift wood. Often, I would wade out into the surf where a special shell called to me.

In the evening after a day spent gathering oysters, clams and crabs my father would build a large fire on the beach. In this fire my family would steam supper in a pot from the days catch. Those were special times of bonding with my family sitting by the fire on the beach taking pleasure from the feeling of our taut, sunburned skin, full stomachs and exhaustion.

© Jan Faust


by Jan Faust

I am of simplicity and solitude. Still, I have become weary of life alone. At night I lie alone in my bed aching for the embrace of another person. Yet there is no one in my life who elicits in me a feeling of contentment. The person for whom I look is not someone on who I can lean. The person I look for, it is someone to walk beside me, hold hands with and share my most inner struggles. This is not a physical need it is one of spirituality. It is not a want for anything sexual. My need is akin to the need of companionship. Still, this feeling is unmistakably skin hunger.

I am a solitarian person who is uneased by the intrusion of inconvenience in my life. Having lived alone for some twenty years fighting life's battles alone, with out the support of a companion by my side to help buffer me from the day's unsought events, I am prepared to change, ready to do some thing different, to accommodate bother. A buddy of sorts is what I hope for. Sexuality has nothing to do with what I suffer from, it is simply contact that I need.

© Jan Faust

Return to The Celestial Perspective ArtSpace